I never saw her again after that

“Cheryl! Wake up. It’s time for spring cleaning. I’ll be downstairs waiting for you,” I ordered my daughter while wiping the photo albums that were stored in the storeroom for years untouched. “All right Mum. Let me clean myself up first,” she replied almost immediately. As I was cleaning those photo albums, a piece of picture dropped from one of the photo albums. I picked it up to place it back. At the same time, I had a glance at the picture. My heart jumped a beat. It was she that had changed my life forever. My mind fluttered back to the time when I was a lass.

I had many friends in my school and most importantly I had a loving family. Mum and Dad were the best. They were always ready to help me whenever I need help, support me whenever I was failing and crack jokes to turn my pouts upside down whenever I was sad. The only thing that lacked in our family was money. But I did not really care about that. I knew that I was not born with a silver spoon, and I did not blame my parents for not being able to provide me a comfortable life. Although we lived in a shack, our life was full of beans. School life was fine and I was neither famous nor infamous in my school. Among my group of friends, I was the most animated one. Also, I always tried to make others happy and laugh. Because whenever I saw people that I knew of happy, I would feel the joy as well.

There was a day when I went to school, feeling very down and depressed. When I entered my classroom, all my classmates were staring at me. “Haven’t they seen a person with scratches and slashes?” I asked myself. I got to my seat and the lessons started. During the lessons, I was not concentrating at all – my mind was wandering and my eyes were not focusing on anything. I had lost my soul and the only thing left in me was emptiness. “Janet, here, you can have my textbook,” my best friend bolted me from the blue. She got up from her seat and went to stand at the back of the classroom. I did not know what happened though.

Shortly, it was time for recess. I then headed to the school garden and sat on a bench, alone. “What happened to you?” a voice came from behind and I was certain it was my best friend’s. “How did you get these scars? Are you all right?” she continued and sat right beside me.

“Melissa, why were you and some other classmates standing at the back of the classroom just now?” I asked her, trying to avoid answering her question. She replied, “Oh, our English teacher punished those who did not bring the textbook. You were looking so weak, so I decided to lend my textbook to you and face the punishment instead. Back to our topic, what has happened to you? You aren’t the bubbly Janet that I knew anymore.” I remained silent. She ogled me as she prepared to be my ears.

I heaved a heavy sigh and answered her tersely, “Yesterday, my Mom came.” By her puzzled look on her face, I could tell that she could not comprehend what I was saying. “Yesterday, my biological Mom came. All these while, I didn’t know that I was an adopted child and the worst thing was my adopted parents didn’t even tell me about this. I thought that there weren’t any secrets between us, but I was wrong.” I continued with tears welling up in my eyes.

“Maybe they’d reasons why they kept this secret. Most probably they didn’t want you to face the truth during your childhood because it might affect you, your life. Did you listen to your mother’s explanation?” Melissa tried to console me and asked.

“No, I don’t plan to accept her. My impression of her is she’s an egoistic lady with her dark glasses on who wants me to forgive her. I then stormed into my room and self-inflicted with these scratches and slashes. I just can’t accept the fact that I’m an adopted child,” I poured out my feelings to her and pleaded her to stop making me from recalling this scarred memory. I then proceeded to my classroom and was again lifeless.

From that day onwards, my life and dreams were all shattered into a thousand pieces. Often, some of my schoolmates poked fun of me. My circle of friends shrank and I was always alienating myself from the others. What was available inside me was just sorrow which was tormenting my body and consuming my soul until they were non-existent; my insides were rotting away. Once, I bellowed at Melissa because she was very annoying. Actually, she was just trying to raise my spirits. In return, she was yelled by me. I thought by doing that, I was able to put an end to her effort in helping me out, but she proved me wrong. She was constantly attempting all ways to enliven me no matter how arduous it was. Her effort finally paid off. I found my soul and was back to my cheerful and vivacious mood. Thanks to my best friend, Melissa. Without her, I would have been a living corpse now.

“Mom! Building castles in the air?” my lovely daughter asked and chuckled when she saw me jolted out of my thoughts. “Who’s this in the picture?” she asked, pointing at my biological mother. “She’s my mom. I love her as much as she loves me. Once…” I recited my whole story to her.

“Mom, isn’t this picture taken indoor? Why is Grandma wearing a pair of black spectacles in the picture?” Cheryl questioned me.

“My adopted mother revealed the secret to me after my biological mother visited me in my teens. When I was three, one of my corneas was scratched and damaged. Grandma, who was my biological mother, brought me to the doctor. The doctor stated that my left eye wouldn’t be able to see things clearly anymore. The only way to make me able to see clearly was to do a cornea transplant. At that moment, Grandma didn’t have enough money. So, she decided to borrow money from the loan sharks and donated one of her corneas to me. Grandma couldn’t pay back the debts and she finally made her decision to put me in an adopted family. She then flew to New Zealand to start a new life there. When she came back to visit me when I was a teenager, she wore the dark glasses so that I wouldn’t know one of her eyes couldn’t see things. Mummy was so stupid for not giving her the chance to explain and to forgive her. This is what I regret the most in my whole life,” I explained to her, slowly and clearly.

“What happened to Grandma after that?” she enquired, wanting to know much more.

I replied, “I don’t really know. That day when she visited me, I stomped into my room. She then came to see me in my room. She didn’t talk to me but only uttered the word, “Bye” after a while. She smiled sadly and walked away. I never saw her again after that.”

Time

“It’s the fourth time you’re late again in this month! You may stand at the corridor, your favourite spot.” These words lingered in my mind as I was standing at the corridor feeling humiliated. A group of girls giggled at me when they were heading towards the science laboratory. My face turned apple-red almost immediately.

I then sneaked out of my school and went to a popular spot for spoilt children – the cyber cafe. I knew it was not right to do so, but I just could not stand being looked down by others. Even though Mum would not be glad for my immature actions, I still did it for my pleasure.

The moment I stepped into my house, Mum was there, standing in front of me and her eyes were blazing. She stared sharply at me and then started to nag. “Didn’t I warn you not to play truant again? Why can’t you just obey my simple order? You really disappoint me! Do you think your late father would be happy seeing you behaving like a wild child?” she raised her voice as her tears welled up in her eyes. I could tell that she was really mad at me. “No dinner for you tonight!” her nostrils flared. “Her nostrils are as big as my contact lenses,” I thought and then, sniggered. She stormed out of the house, tears trickling down her rosy cheeks.

I did not feel sorry at all. Maybe it was because I did not feel that I was wrong. The next day, I was late again. Anyway, I did not give a tinker of being time conscious though. “I have plenty of time in my whole life,” I thought. This time, it was different. Instead of going to school, I chose to go to the pub where some of my friends were already there waiting for me. I only took fizzy drinks and not beer or liquor because I would throw-up and feel uncomfortable after drinking it. Some of my friends who were not drunk invited me for an illegal motorcycle racing which was considered ‘legal’ to us. I accepted the challenge. Ken, Albert and I prepared ourselves and started the race soon after. As usual, I turned out last.

My old, faithful, digital watch showed 10 o’clock sharp. I sneaked into school through the hole in the fence behind the school and studied as usual. I had done this for several times and was never caught even once. Most probably it was because my presence was not felt and the same goes to my absence. “Kring…!” the long-awaited school bell rang, indicating the end of school session. Everyone darted towards the main gate and went home in split seconds. I had always questioned myself what was so great about ‘home’. Until now, it still remained a question.

“Nexter! Follow me to the office, please,” the familiar, low, husky voice came from behind. It was the principal. I could tell that something fishy was going on from his tone and it would not be a good one. “Did he know what I had done this morning? Will I be punished? Will I be humiliated again? Or will I be sleeping with the criminals behind the bars?” thousands of questions flooded my poor little brain. My pace began to slow down. I turned around and ran out of the school compound as fast as my legs could carry me. I managed to grasp some of the principal’s massage when I was trying to flee away. But it was unclear. All I heard was ‘don’t run away’ and the word ‘mum’. I did not have any idea about what he was trying to tell but at that spur of the moment, I just knew that I had to run away from him.

Upon reaching my house, I kept on figuring out what my principal had wanted to tell me about Mum. She came to school to check on me? I hope not. As I was in deep thoughts, I saw a group of people surrounding something. An accident had occurred. I had a glimpse to see who the not-so-fortunate one was. I did not put on my contact lenses on that day, so all I could see was a lady which was hit by a car when she was heading to her son’s school. “Poor lady. She might have wanted to check on her son,” the thought came across my mind. I turned away and continued walking. My heart then skipped a beat. My intuition told me that something was not right. I turned around and peered at the victim, trying hard to identify her as her body was covered with blood. It was her! Mum! “No!” I cried out hysterically. I threw my body towards Mum and hugged her closely. I sank my head in her tummy like what I did ten years ago. Beside her was a packet of my favourite spaghetti made by Mum. There was a note written, “Son, here’s your favourite spaghetti. Sorry for not letting you have dinner last night. I have bought you a Swatch watch that you’ve always wanted. Please be more time conscious next time. Come back earlier today. We’ll have lunch at home. Love, Mum.” Emotions that had long bottled up in me gushed out in a sea of tears.

She was rushed to the ICU. After a long wait, the doctor came out and reported in a sombre tone, “Your mum is in a stable condition.” I sighed, feeling much relieved. “But we are unable to save her legs anymore. Both her legs have to be amputated. I’m sorry.” he continued. I remained silence. My heart thudded heavily. I was still in a state of shock.

Since then, I had turned over a new leaf. I took care of Mum full of patience and I loved her as much as she loved me. I was also the top student in my school. Mum was very proud to have a child like me. But life was not perfect to me. Time. How wonderful it is if it could be rewound.

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Why can't i post any blogs!? C'mon...